I have depression, and anxiety. It’s not pretty it’s not crying and looking gorgeous or staring out the window at a beautiful sunset. sometimes it’s days or weeks of staying in bed and not even brushing your teeth. It can be not eating at all or binge eating. For some people it’s even making scars and watching blood pour from your veins. For me it’s locking myself away and not wanting to see any mirrors, it’s not wanting food and wanting to eat the grocery store. It’s drinking until I can’t remember my name. It’s ugly crying and everyone in my family messaging and calling me a million times to make sure that the next time I try to take my life they can prevent it. Thats not beautiful. It’s ugly. It’s a nightmare and torrendance. It’s not something that I can control. It’s thinking I should be able to do certain things because I know it’s not me it’s my illness. I know that I don’t want to kill myself most days, but somedays somedays I swear I do. Somedays I’m so empty and sad that I can’t change anything and not even wanting to try. I love people usually.. but somedays I dont even want to be by myself. So no there are no beautiful mental illness’s, this is pain this is being afraid this is knowing that you’re sick this is knowing that not everyone understands you or even cares. This is for the people who think that the beautiful girl in the corner is beautiful because she may have a mental illness. This is for the people who have no idea what it’s like to be your own worst enemy.